There is really only one thing I teach – how to harness The Law of Attraction to full advantage. Simply stated, this universal principle says, “You get what you focus on,” or, stated another way, “You attract what you are.”

Since you attract what you are, you can see why there are things or circumstances you want that aren’t coming to you:

• You cannot attract a promotion when you are feeling unappreciated
• You cannot attract a raise when you are feeling strapped for cash
• You cannot attract work you enjoy when you are complaining (to others or to yourself) about the work you are doing

You cannot attract anything until you and it are “a match”.

Think of life as The Match Game. If you are old enough to remember that TV game show (or you’ve seen re-runs on cable TV), then you know that the object of the game was to match items to one another. The more you matched, the more you won.  The same is true in life as long as you match what you want. Unfortunately, most of us spend our time unconsciously matching what we do not want and end up feeling like we’ve lost.

I say unconsciously matching because I’ve been observing my own Match Game for years now and lately, I’ve begun to notice just how subtly I can focus on things I don’t want without even noticing that I’m doing it. When I am making judgments about people or situations that I don’t approve of or do not like, my attention to them is attracting them to me.

For example, last week I made an observation about my friend Maude (not her real name, of course) which prompted me to think, “I can’t believe how difficult she makes things for herself. I wish she could figure out a simple way to get the results she wants.” The rest of the day, everything I touched seemed to have an unanticipated problem. Suddenly, I was complicating everything – and it was because I had made myself a match to what I’d judged in Maude.

As my teacher, Esther Hicks says, “The formula for creating what you want is simple: Identify the desire and then vibrationally match it.”

If you can’t match it by observation, then you must match it through your imagination. For example, if a co-worker is behaving in a way you don’t like, then you cannot observe in her the behavior you want; it’s not there You must develop a picture in your mind of what it would look like if she started to behave the way you want. It would be useful to find someone else who DOES behave the way you want and use that observation to further develop the picture in your mind.

Until you can fully visualize the desired behavior and STOP observing the opposite, she will never act the way you want – it is not a match. In the Match Game it would be like flipping over a card that has a frowning face on it and trying to match it with a smiling face. It’s not a match and never will be. No matter how much you criticize the frowning card, or tell other people how much you wish the frowning card would change – the frowning card is not going to turn into a smiling card. Put your attention on the smiling card and you will attract other cards that match it.

Let me tell you how to be a big winner in The Match Game every day. Don’t worry at all about what you’re thinking or saying. Simply pay attention to how you are feeling.

When you feel satisfaction, happiness, joy or any positive emotion, you are automatically a match to anything else that would make you feel that way. The more you focus on being happy, the more what you want is a match. Would that new project at work make you happy? Then work on creating that feeling of happiness now and you will be a match to it. Would getting your work completed make you happy? Then work on creating in yourself what it would feel like to already be there and you will get there naturally – it’s a match!

The Match Game – with your host, Law of Attraction!

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How you approach your work is a direct reflection of how you show up for life.

I know a woman who is a junior high school teacher. I’ve never seen anyone work harder. She spends nearly half her summer vacation preparing for the next school year and during each semester, she works weekends to keep up. She does it for the children and they don’t seem to appreciate it.

She does the same thing at home, spending countless hours cleaning, preparing meals, and running errands. She does it for her family and they don’t seem to appreciate it.

I know a man who is a very successful insurance salesman. He spends a lot of time with his customers finding out about their lives—asking questions about their work, their families and their hobbies. He also finds out about their insurance needs but not before he gets to know them.  He enjoys learning about people.

He is the same way with family and friends—always interested in what they’re doing, where they’ve been and how their lives are going.

The difference between these two people can be found in the “why” of what they do. The teacher doesn’t work hard because she enjoys it. She is self-sacrificing, a bit of a martyr.  The salesman, on the other hand, truly enjoys his interaction with people, both at work and in his personal life.

Since the Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on, you can guess that the teacher gets less and less appreciation each year while the salesman is surrounded by more and more interesting people (who often turn into customers.)

How does your approach to work reflect your approach to life?

Do you only take what someone gives you, never asking for what you want or need?

Instead of being proactive, do you sit around waiting for someone to tell you what to do?

Are you always trying to please others rather than making sure that you are taken care of?

As I think about my own approach to work I can see the correlation to my life.  I tend to get very excited about ideas and turn them into projects. I do a lot of work on one project, only to get distracted by the next exciting idea.  I have many unfinished projects both at work and in my personal life.

What I know, after years of coaching people to leverage their natural gifts, is that it is nearly impossible to turn a weakness into a strength.  Simply put, I am unsystematic.  I could concentrate my efforts on becoming more systematic but the best I could do after expending a massive amount of energy is to improve a little bit (maybe).  And it wouldn’t make me happy because I would be fighting my natural tendencies.

The solution for me has been twofold:

1. I have become comfortable working on projects piecemeal. They don’t always get done as quickly as I’d like but they get done eventually.
2. If a project is truly important, I trick myself into having to get it done by promising a delivery date to someone.  If I only commit a deadline to myself, I can always justify delays. I would rarely do that with a customer or a loved one.

Why is it so important to learn to manage areas of weakness?  The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on.  A weakness that is causing you problems at work or at home will become a focal point. The more you focus on what’s not working, the more things will go wrong.  (When I focused on all my unfinished projects, not only did my productivity slow down, I felt crazed.) When instead you figure out a solution and make that your focus, you easily attract more of what you want.

Change your focus, change your life is not just a clever saying.  Applying it can change your life. Instead of taking your weaknesses from work into your personal life, and vice-versa, learn your strengths and focus on utilizing them fully.  If you’re not sure what they are, ask your friends. They all know, even if you’re blind to them.

Focus, focus, focus…..

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The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. Simply put, this means that when you focus on:

• How stressed you are, you get even more stressed.
• Your fatigue, your energy decreases even more.
• The unfairness of something, you attract more injustice.

Stop for a moment and consider:  are you having a good day or a bad one?  What have you been focused on?

What could you focus on?

Focusing on what you want instead of what you don’t is very simple to say and yet often difficult to do.  If you have developed a life-long habit of looking at what’s wrong instead of what’s right it takes a good deal of practice to make looking for the positive your default mode. I’m still working on it 23 years after I first discovered this secret to a good life.

If focusing on the negative accomplishes what you want, I say go for it. But it never does.  Notice I didn’t say, “If looking at the negative accomplishes what you want…” I’m not suggesting you never look at problems. It is often necessary to look at the problem in order to figure out what you want.  But when we dwell on something, it gets bigger, not smaller. So look at the problem long enough to figure out what you want, then turn your back on it and focus on the solution.

I long for the day when, instead of boring everyone around us by talking about our problems, we share with them our excitement about solutions.

Instead of, “You won’t believe this awful thing that’s happening to me,” we’ll hear, “Wait until I tell you how I can solve this!”

What problems are you currently having?  How are you going about solving them?  As you discuss it with co-workers and friends, are you talking about the solution or are you only talking about the problem?

What beliefs do you have?  Are they serving you well?

I have a belief that I don’t lose things, only misplace them.  My belief got tested this week when I could not find my cell phone. When I realized it was missing, I called it a few times. No one answered.  Then I called the grocery store where I’d been shopping to find out if they had it. The answer was, “No.” So I called the phone company to turn it off.

The next day a friend suggested I to go to the grocery store to see if anyone had turned it in.  On my way there, I said to myself, “Where is your focus? You don’t lose things. It will show up.”  I got to the grocery store and sure enough, they had it!

If I had decided it was lost and focused on that, I would not have checked with the grocery store a second time.

When you focus on something being lost, it could be right where you look for it and you cannot see it because your mind believes you when you tell it the item is lost. How many times has someone else found something for you in the very place you’d already looked?

That is a microcosm of how the Law of Attraction works.  How can you use this to your advantage?

How about paying more attention to how you feel, and insisting on feeling good?  When you feel good, it is your inner guidance system signaling you, “If you stay focused where you’re currently focused, you are really going to like the results.”  When you’re negatively focused, you will definitely not like the results.

It truly is as simple as that. All that is required is practice, practice, practice.  Insist on feeling good and every time you start to feel otherwise, stop to examine where you are focused. You will find that the simple act of shifting your focus will make all the difference in your day and in your mood.

There’s a reason my motto is, “Change your focus, change your life!”

It works.

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Words have power.  This morning someone I love told me that when he was ten years old his father took him fishing. This is a very big event for any boy—quality time with Dad.  On that trip, my friend did something his Dad didn’t like and, to let him know just how much he disapproved, he said, “I used to think you were stupid; now I know you are.”

Ouch. The impact of words last—in this case over 50 years. Too often we use words to vent negative emotions with little concern about the impact.  In fact, we humans are incapable of doing something we truly believe is wrong so what do we do?  We justify:

She needs to be told.
It’s for his own good,
and (my personal favorite):
I’m only telling you this because I love you.

If that’s true, could you love me a little less, please?

I recently heard a simple and yet powerful guideline for determining what information to communicate, especially if it’s potentially hurtful.  Just ask yourself these three simple questions:

1. Is it true?
2. Is it kind?
3. Is it necessary?

#1 Is it true? To test this, feel free to apply my Court of Law Rule which is, as follows: if you cannot prove it in a court of law, then you made it up.

Could my friend’s father prove in a court of law that his 10 year-old was stupid?  Perhaps he could if he produced the results of his son’s IQ test and the score was low. In this case, I know it to be untrue; my friend, who was that 10 year-old is one of the smartest and most successful people I know.

“But Silver,” you might protest, “sometimes I just know.” We all think that. I once shared with a friend that the man she was dating would end up badly hurting her.  It turned out to be true. But what is equally true is that, ten years prior I fully endorsed a relationship she had with a man, convinced she would live happily ever after.  When they parted, that hurt turned out to be worse.  In both cases, I could not prove my opinions in a court of law. My ideas weren’t true; they were stories I’d made up, convinced I was right.

Where do you do this in your relationships, both at work and at home?

#2.  Is it kind? Another way to say this is:  examine your motives.  Check out how you are feeling.  Are you planning to communicate this information because you are feeling kind? Or are you feeling self-righteous, smug or superior?  If you are feeling any of the latter, you are probably not being kind. If, however, you are upset because you know you’re about to hurt this person but you also know that, in the long run, they will benefit from it, then you are being kind.  For example, intervening when someone is harming themselves with drugs, food or alcohol is an act of love and the intent is to be kind, not hurtful. This is equivalent to throwing a lifesaver to someone who is about to drown. (Just remember, they get to choose whether or not to pick it up.)

#3 Is it necessary? This is a tough call, no question. If the communication is a way for you to set boundaries with another, it is probably necessary.  Boundaries are required when someone else’s behavior is causing you tangible harm.

If the only harm you are experiencing are negative feelings because of their behavior, that doesn’t count. No one else controls your emotions—how you feel is up to you.  On the other hand, if they are physically harming you or putting your livelihood or safety at risk, then the communication IS necessary—refusing to get into a car with someone who’s been drinking, for example.

Remember that the Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. When you are focused on the need to fix or rescue someone, then you will be surrounded by people who need fixing or rescuing. By routinely asking yourself these three questions, you will begin to discover that much of what you feel compelled to communicate is really none of your business.

Consider what a different memory my friend would have of fishing with his Dad if his father had simply employed these three questions.  Think of how different your relationships will be when you do.

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Last week I hiked up to Angel’s Landing in Zion National Park. This 2.5 mile hike starts with a zigzag trail called Walter’s Wiggles. Once you get to the top of that, you have the option of continuing another half mile STRAIGHT UP. The rocky terrain and the installed chains are there to help you along the way, providing both footholds and handholds. It is not for the faint of heart or for those who are afraid of heights. I am not afraid of heights; I am afraid of falling. They are two different, often paralyzing fears.

Because of my fear, it occurred to me as I slowly and surely made my way to the top that having the ability to focus is crucial. With no railings, any fall off the edge meant certain death. Since falling is my fear, it was important that I focus my attention and eyesight across the vista, never down. If I looked down, I would not have been able to make it to the top or back down again (which was the tougher part).

The Law of Attraction says you get more of what you focus on. I spent all my time during that half-mile focused on two things: the breathtakingly beautiful scenery and my pride in what I was achieving. The more I focused on those two things, the more I enjoyed myself. In fact, there were moments when I was suffused with joy.

Going back down was more difficult. At that point, I was focused on how much my knees hurt and my concern for my partner who had been having trouble with his knees before we went on the hike. The more I gave these two concerns my attention, the less I enjoyed the hike down.

Admittedly, it is difficult to ignore pain but I’m pretty sure I would have enjoyed the downward trek a bit more if I had, in spite of the pain, continued to focus on the beautiful scenery and our shared accomplishment. I know that’s true because, every once in a while, a group of college students on Spring Break would pass us on the way down the steep hill and proclaim, “You guys are our heroes!” or “Way to go!” and, for those brief, shining moments, the pain disappeared and I felt terrific!

I am not an advocate of taking action when you are afraid; that is not what I did. Had I gone up the steep incline fighting fear, I would have put myself and my partner in danger. Instead, I replaced the fear by focusing on two things I love—beauty and challenge.

Could the metaphor for life be any more obvious?

We all face things in life we find difficult. Unfortunately, many of us have been trained to fight against them or take action despite them. Both only cause them to remain more firmly entrenched. You get more of what you focus on. If I had simply said, “I don’t want this fear to stop me,” my focus would have been on the fear, triggering the “fight or flight” response. This response corresponds to an area of our brain called the hypothalamus, which—when stimulated—initiates a sequence of nerve cell firing and chemical release that prepares our body for running or fighting. My brain would have responded by flooding my system with stress hormones, causing me to perceive everything as a threat, which would have been dangerous. Bottom line: I would not have even attempted the climb. Instead, I opted to enjoy the scenery and the challenge. The fear was not included in my focus and so I never felt it. Not once.

Focus is powerful and every one of us has the ability to control where we place ours. Is it easy at first? No, it takes practice but like everything, the more you practice, the more accomplished you become.

If your thoughts don’t serve you well, challenge what your mind tells you:
– Is your boss really out to get you or is he just unskilled at management?
– Is your co-worker truly an insensitive jerk or could she possibly have problems in her life you know nothing about?
– Did you actually get nothing done today or does it just feel that way?

Too often we accept our thoughts as the truth when in fact they are simply thoughts. If someone told you, “You didn’t get anything done today,” you would likely argue that you did and come up with evidence to support your assertion. You can do the same with your mind—argue your case (but not out loud; people get institutionalized for less).

Remember, you get more of what you focus on. When you control your focus, you can literally climb mountains.

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Many years ago, when I adopted my then teenaged foster daughters it was important to me that there be no hypocrisy in my parenting. In other words, if I taught them to behave in a certain way, then I needed to, as well. In 12-step groups they call this “walking your talk.” This turned out to be a goal one strives for; I did so imperfectly.

As I set out to teach them to be gentler in their self-appraisals I began to listen to my own inner dialogue. I quickly realized that, for most of us, if we talked to our children the way we talk to ourselves, we would be arrested for child abuse.

I was disheartened by many of the things I said to myself:
You’ll never be able to do that—you’ve tried before and failed.
You lost your keys again? What’s the matter with you?
Who do you think you are?
You are so lazy, it’s a wonder you’ve accomplished anything in life!

We all do some version of this—so what?

Brain researchers tell us that the way we talk to ourselves is a critical component of how we act in and process the world around us. Our brain accepts whatever we say to it without question and so, however we are damning ourselves, this information is processed as a fact rather than an opinion.

According to Steven Campbell, M.S.I.S. in his book Making Your Mind Magnificent, “The brain records everything you say to it about yourself as readily as it records what it sees when it looks at a picture.”

Campbell goes on to tell us, “So when you say, “No way! I can’t do that!” the mind simply says, “OK…you can’t” and then blocks out the ways for you to do it. If, however, you say: “Absolutely…of course I can do that!” the brain also accepts this as truth without question. No arguments. Not only that, your brain then endeavors to help you find a way to do it, and then gives you the energy to do so.”

Usually this harsh consideration was learned in early childhood—a critical parent, a disapproving teacher, even an older sibling can all impact our self-image. The good news is that others are no longer in charge—you are.

The reason it’s difficult to change these habits of negative self-talk is that your brain’s job is to keep you from changing. Campbell outlines this when he writes about the brain’s resistance to change: “Your brain does not like being out of its comfort zone. It will resist any changes you want as much as it can, and will find all sorts of ways of doing so, including lying to you and telling you things about yourself that are simply not true.”

It’s important to understand that your thoughts are not necessarily true. When I was a child, I was convinced there was a bogeyman living in my closet. My brain told me it was true and even convinced me that I was hearing him make threatening sounds. We all have bogeymen living inside our minds and they talk to us very convincingly. Our job is to say to them, “Thank you for sharing but I disagree with what you are telling me.” (By the way, I don’t recommend talking to your bogeymen out loud unless you are alone—society prefers self-talk be done silently.)

The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. The messages you give yourself are even more critical than the messages others are giving you because they comprise your ongoing focus. We would all do well to remember the lesson we learned as children when we read the classic tale of The Little Engine that Could. His self-talk was:

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can.
I know I can, I know I can, I know I can.
And (after succeeding) I knew I could, I knew I could, I knew I could.

If you are not familiar with this story, you can easily find it online and it is well worth reading (repeatedly).

If, like me, you have often wished that your parents were better skilled at their jobs there is a simple, albeit challenging solution: become the loving parent you always dreamed of and say to yourself what you wish had been said to you. As a brilliant philosopher once said, “It’s never too late to have a happy childhood.” (I know you can, I know you can, I know you can.)

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One of the abilities to deteriorate under the impact of stress is one’s capacity to focus clearly. The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. In the absence of a clear focus, what you attract is a mixed bag, which creates even more stress because it makes you feel like you’re on a very fast train going nowhere.

In his groundbreaking and incredibly useful book Change Your Brain; Change Your Life, psychiatrist Daniel Amen teaches that the prefrontal cortex, the most evolved part of the human brain, is essential in helping us reach our goals. It is involved with some pretty critical jobs including concentration, attention span, judgment, impulse control, and critical thinking. One of the reasons I like this book is that Dr. Amen provides very practical solutions to problems like “inability to focus.” The “prescriptions” he writes are not those you go to the pharmacy to get filled –they are things you can do for yourself that will net small results pretty quickly and big results over time.

One of my favorite Amen prescriptions for becoming more focused is, “Focus on what you like a lot more than what you don’t like.” He goes on to say, “Focusing on what you like about your life and what you like about others is a powerful way to keep your prefrontal cortex healthy.”

The need for this is most clear when you think about relationships. Let’s say you have ten co-workers that you spend a lot of time with during your workweek. Nine of them are people you like very much and look forward to seeing each day. But there is this one ______ (fill in the blank—idiot, jerk, troublemaker, slacker—you know the label you use as a descriptor). For this article, we will call this person The Jerk. Who is it that you give most of your attention to? Who do you keep a careful eye on all day? Who do you most discuss with others in the company? Who do you talk about when you go home? The nine people you like so much? Of course not! Your mind is much too preoccupied with The Jerk!

The more attention you give to The Jerk, the more difficult it is for you to focus on anything else because you are actually doing damage to your prefrontal cortex! As Dr. Amen puts it, “Focusing on the negative aspects of others or of your own life makes you more vulnerable to depression and can damage your relationships.”

I get excited about all this brain research because, when I first started talking about the Law of Attraction thirteen years ago, many people felt it was just more “touchy-feely” nonsense. Intuitively, I knew that wasn’t true. Changing my focus from dwelling on the negative to looking for the positive was a critical component in my recovery from depression and alcoholism. Over the years I’ve witnessed similar results in others.

Because a healthy prefrontal cortex is essential in helping you achieve your goals, then it makes total sense that, when you are miserable, you are not attracting what you want into your life because your ability to achieve your goals is hindered.
Interestingly, Dr. Amen writes that, “People with prefrontal cortex challenges, especially people with ADD, tend to be conflict-driven as a way to ‘turn on’ prefrontal cortex activity. Unfortunately, this behavior has many negative side effects, especially on relationships and immune system functioning.”

The result of proactively inviting conflict into one’s life can only be more conflict. You get more of what you focus on. Before I started to deliberately apply the Law of Attraction to my life, I found myself in many conflict-filled situations in which I felt like a victim. Now that I take full responsibility for all that happens to me, I no longer attract those situations. Don’t get me wrong. There are many occasions when I want to blame someone else for a circumstance I don’t like but ultimately, when I look at my part in what happens to me, I see that I attracted it. And when I see how I did so, I can adjust my focus and my behavior to correct the situation.

I strongly encourage you to check out Dr. Amen’s website http://www.amenclinics.com/. He has many free tools including videos, tests and articles that can help with any issues you or a loved one might be faced with or would like to avoid in the future.

The best thing to remember is that you get more of what you focus on so, if you want to change your life, change your focus!

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In a Success Magazine article entitled Goal-Setting Doesn’t Work, Darren Hardy wrote that setting a goal is only part of what we need to do to attract what we want from life. Once a goal is set, we need to ask, “What kind of a person do I need to be to achieve that goal?”

Let’s say you want a promotion at work. Asking Hardy’s question will take you so much further and quickly. What kind of a person do you need to be to get that promotion?

• How would that person feel?
• How would that person act?
• How would that person look?
• How would that person interact with co-workers and/or clients?

You might, for example, need to be the type of person who:

• Imagines what it would feel like to have the promotion. Once you know that feeling, make sure you feel that way as you move through your days toward your new role.
• Has the self-confidence of someone who would be promoted into that position.
• Looks the part—you dress the way someone who already has the promotion would.
• Works the number of hours that someone in that role would.
• Does everything you can to learn about the new job because you know it’s coming.
• Doesn’t get involved in petty gossip at work.
• Gives the majority of your attention to what you’re doing versus what other people are or are not doing.

Oftentimes this is called “acting as if” but it’s deeper than that. It’s actually “being as if,” i.e., adopting the feelings you know you’ll have when you receive the promotion.

Joy has been (ironically, given her name) adrift in negativity since her divorce over a year ago. She came to me for some coaching so I asked her, “How do you want to feel?” She replied, “I want to wake up singing.” I replied, “That’s simple! You will wake up singing when you wake up singing!”

You see, like so many of us, she was looking for something to inspire her to wake up singing. That’s backward. When you are the kind of person who wakes up singing, something is guaranteed to come along that will inspire you and your songs will get even sweeter.

The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. When your feelings and your actions match those of the future you who has already achieved what you are now setting your sights on, then you will achieve your goal or something similar that will make you feel the same way.

I have a friend who has made quite a lot of money in his life but like most wealthy
people, he has had setbacks. Over dinner last week, he regaled me with stories about some of those “failures.” As I asked clarifying questions, he began to see that most of those so-called failures actually lead to specifically related opportunities for even greater gain down the road. If he had quit when it looked like he wasn’t getting what he set out to, he would have missed these opportunities.

In other words, if you don’t receive the promotion, it’s not over. There is probably something even bigger on its way that you would have missed if you received the promotion. Just keep “being” the kind of person who receives promotions and watch what happens.

No matter what you want, the achievement of it happens much more quickly and easily when you figure out what type of person you need to be to get there.
All roads point to “being.” Who do you want to be?

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Everyone who has a job today is working very hard. (Okay, okay, for those of you who immediately thought of someone who’s not pulling his weight, let me rephrase.) Most people who have jobs today are working very hard.

I hear about impossible workloads, frustration, anger, illness and stress. And I ask, “Why are you doing that to yourself?”

“What!?!?” you may very well cry, “I’m not doing this to myself – my organization is.”

I know it seems like that but it’s simply not true. Allow me to explain.

While it’s true that you are being given impossible amounts of work to do, only you have the power to generate stress within yourself.

The state of stress is a reaction to outside stimuli. When the stimulus is comprised of spoken words or behavior we witness, that alone cannot generate the stress—that comes from you and your internal/external dialogue.

The exception to this, of course, is if someone were to do something physical to you. While there are people who have trained themselves to detach and not react to beatings or other means of torture, it is a natural human instinct for the brain to release stress hormones in reaction to physical duress. These same hormones are released when the danger is not real if we manage to convince our minds that it is real (as in how we react when there is too much work to do).

The Law of Attraction says that you get more of what you focus on. By focusing on how difficult everything is, how impossible the demands are and how much you dislike what you are currently doing, you are causing yourself more stress than any other person could IF they had the power to cause you stress, which they don’t.

I once attended a class in human behavior and the professor, a Ph.D. in psychology taught us that, when you react to any situation, the adult has vacated your body and a small child has taken its place. Stress is a reaction, not a response.

When you take the time to come up with a strategy of response to challenging stimuli, your stress will begin to dissipate and could eventually disappear. But what do we most often do? We whip ourselves into frenzy by thinking or telling anyone who will listen how wrong all of this is and how much we are suffering. And yet, the only one who can relieve your suffering is you. This is actually very good news because that puts you in the driver’s seat.

Train yourself to notice the symptoms of stress; they are different for everyone. I unconsciously clench my fists. I have one friend who whistles and another who nervously taps her pen.

Once you’ve noticed that you are under stress, HALT. This is an acronym I borrowed from 12-step programs. Ask yourself:

H – Are you hungry? Low blood sugar contributes to stress in all sorts of ways. If you are hungry, eat something that is good for you. A chocolate bar may taste yummy but will spike your blood sugar and you’ll crash even lower. Some form of protein is your best bet.

A – Are you angry? If you are, figure out what to do about it but make sure it isn’t something that will escalate the problem. What helps me is to figure out what’s funny about the situation. Most of the things I get really angry about are pretty funny in the bigger scheme of things.

L – Are you lonely? Oftentimes, we are stressed because we feel unsupported. Reach out to someone who always makes you feel appreciated.

T – Are you tired? This is a tough one because so often we ignore fatigue in favor of getting more work done. The best thing you can do for yourself when you realize you are tired is to make plans to go to bed at least 1-2 hours earlier than normal that same night and get some sleep. You will be much more productive for the remainder of the week.

There is no doubt that these are stressful times. If you use the power of your mind coupled with the Law of Attraction, you’ll find that, not only will you weather the storm; you can actually reside within the eye where all is peaceful and calm.

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New Year
New Goals
New Hopes
New Dreams

Will this be the year you allow into your life all the things you’ve been summoning with your desire?

The Law of Attraction dictates that you get more of what you focus on. What will the theme of your focus be this year?

Will your focus be on enjoying your work more? Then you must put your attention on all the things you enjoy and turn a blind eye to the things that annoy you.

Will your focus be on getting that raise or promotion? Then find out what the criteria are and put your full attention on fulfilling them.

Would you like your relationships to be more satisfying? Then it is important that you develop the habit of continually looking for what you like in the other person rather than what needs to be changed or corrected.

Would you like to enjoy life more? It’s not rocket science. All that is required to enjoy life is to enjoy life! No magic formula; no mantras or affirmations to remember. Just enjoy!

You were born to have all that you want. If you don’t, then the first place to look for what’s gone wrong is your focus (also known as your attention.)

• Do you focus on what you don’t have or on your blessings? I’m continually surprised to read about all the surveys taken that say there is an epidemic of job dissatisfaction in this country. This is problematic for two reasons: (1) having a job, especially in this economy is a gift. There are thousands who would gladly trade places with you and put up with whatever you’re dealing with if only they could get a paycheck to feed their families; and (2) if you’re dissatisfied and stay focused on all the reasons why, you’ll never get out of the job you dislike so much! Or worse, you’ll get a new job and discover the same problems as you had in the first. You get more of what you focus on.

• Do you focus on what’s right in your world or on what’s wrong? Notice I said “your world,” not “THE world.” One of the most useful tools in my recovery from a 30-year depression was the realization that I cannot change the world but I can change my corner of it. Before I got into action, I spent a lot of time pointing out all the reasons the world was doomed. Once I began doing something to improve my corner, that hopelessness began to lift.

• Do you focus on the attributes you like about your family and friends or on all those things that annoy you? Everyone, including you, is annoying to someone. You cannot help it and here’s why: you’re not annoying them; they’re choosing to regard you as annoying. You cannot control how others feel about you but you can control how you feel about them. You have a choice between letting their behavior annoy, have no impact at all, or charm. Before you make the choice, remember that you get more of what you focus on.

The simplest way to get all the things you desire in 2010 is to choose to be in love every single day: with yourself, with your family and friends, with your job, with your boss (yes, your boss!) and co-workers and with all the big and little things that make up your life.

Or, as my wise friend Sarah says, “You want to be happy? GO AHEAD!”

I wish you a fulfilling year of primarily focusing on whatever brings you joy. For me, you definitely fall into that category.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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